"There's a Monster in my Pants" and other games the Mellens play

This is not as naughty as it sounds. Dh makes up hundreds of original games to play with our kids and his nephews. There's even been an 7-year ongoing "Monster Wars" event including such games as: Sleeping Giant (they try to push him off the bed), Hot Sock Meteor, Million Alien Hand Attack, Ticking Bomb Monster, Marshmellow Gunnery, etc...

This particular incident started because Dh has big holes in his sweat pants that he pads around the house in. The pockets on this specific pair are ripped and hanging out so you can see his underwear. At least Bonuts could. She shrieked "I can see your underwear" and tried to reach into her Dad's pockets. Dh warned her "Watch out, there's a monster in my pants," as he reached through the torn pocket on his other hip through to grab her hand. She screamed happy murder and proceeded to make a repetitive game out of it. She, reaching timidly with suspense; He, grabbing little fingers and yelling "There's a monster in my pants!" with his face writhing in pain as if an alien was trying to burst out of his body. Then Babe tried to join in the fun too.

I was like, "Great, that's just the image and accompanying dialogue we want to implant in our children's memories: sticking their hands in their father's pants expecting to be bitten by a monster." I can see the therapist and sex counseling bills adding up in the near and far future.

Since we're already going blue with the recounting of this incident, I've got one more story regarding Bonuts and her tampon obsession. She is fascinated with all things genital - very interested in the differences between boys and girls, etc. She has also watched many of my natural childbirth videos and knows exactly where babies come from, or at least out. She is perplexed about tampons and where they disappear to. I explained to her that ladies have three holes: one for pee, one for babies and tampons and one for poo-poo.

So, Dh is tucking the girls into bed one night last week and finds Bonuts busy with her hands down her pants. He asks her what she is doing and she replies "Playing with my holes." He tells her that is a private thing and suggests she stop and wash her hands and go to sleep. I check in on her 5 minutes later and she is still scratching around down there with a a very strange and concentrated look on her face. I pull the covers back and pull down her pants to check for a rash and find a much abused and worse for wear OB tampon. She tells me "I was trying to find my baby hole in my pee-gina." (She calles her vagina a pee-gina, ie.) boys have a pee-nis and both anatomies are for pee-ing.) A heated debate followed in which I argued that she didn't need tampons yet becuase she wasn't ready to have babies and her arguing with me that she was a big girl already and there were lots of babies inside her right now that would probably be born next month.

My goodness, she's 3 going on 13 going on 30. I hope this isn't a sign of things to come! And now I remember that Ellie used to try and eat tampons she found in my purse. She called them "vagina-candies." :)